So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
