I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
