just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
