Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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