Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize