it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
