Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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