Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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