is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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