Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Randomize
