Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
