i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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