i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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