i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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