Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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