Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize