8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
