why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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