u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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