So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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