nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
