It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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