You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So what if is hockey, you donβt turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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