sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
