ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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