Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
