Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
