so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
