I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize