My friends, they love my intelligence
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
