I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
