just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
