The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She's just so happy...and so naked.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
