there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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