There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
