No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
