how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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