So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
