Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
