it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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