You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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