I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
