I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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