After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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