Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
