I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
