you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
