I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
