Cold hands, warm shart.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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