After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
