Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
