Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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