Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
