you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My vagina is very pro this idea
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
