theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
