I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
