Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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