Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
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