me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
