How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Found the puke drawer
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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