glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
