the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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