were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
