My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
