So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize