just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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