Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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