just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
