I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
