She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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