if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
