we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize