i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
