If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize