last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
