Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
