i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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