I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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