We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
