Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It's rum buckets o'clock
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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