woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
