is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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