great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
