He is such a slut. More and more my type.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
