So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
