The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize