BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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