if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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