Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize