dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
