it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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