My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
