Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
