My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i need an iv and a liver transplant
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
