don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The air taste purple.
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