So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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