so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We talked him into tasing himself.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
