i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
