THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
