I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
