Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
