I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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