woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
