the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Randomize
