so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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