wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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