I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
