That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize