checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
