im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
