Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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