If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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